Diary of an Eight Day Bride: Day One of Fake Bridery

Got my Hair done, and my make up did, and I feel like a real-fake bride.

The bridal party and I jumped into our Bright Pink, Slice Network Branded stretch SUV limo and were on the streets at full force at approximately 8am. And by 9am I've already run into 3 people I know....of course assuring them that I'm not actually getting married on a monday morning...the dancing around like a maniac to Donna Summers "Last Dance" in the middle of Bloor and Yonge, however, was a little harder to justify.

After about 3 solid high energy hours of chasing after runners, dog walkers and commuters alike in order to get pics to upload to the slice facebook page (not to mention handing out complimentary wedding bubbles to passerby) we decided to take a romantic lunch break at none other than Quiznos. In a more intimate setting (yes I just refered to a fast food restaurant as intimate), it's easier to FEEL the awkward gazes of "is this bride ACTUALLY eating at a Quiznos right now?!" I kind of felt like Lindsay Lohan giving a "shoot for the stars" inspirational speech at a Jehovah's Witness Bible study class.

Next up we ventured to Nathan Philips Square, where we ran into some delightful tourists from China...but as it turned out they weren't just any tourists from China. No. This flock of well dressed Chinese men were in fact Chinese Police men who proceded to take about 38 photos with us, only to disappear for 2 minutes and resurface with gifts from the Chinese Police Academy.

Thoughts running through my head at this point consist of; "I get presents even for my FAKE wedding?!" as well as "I think this definitiely counts as blasphemy...these poor police officers think I'm actually getting married and I don't have the heart (or the conversationl use of Mandarin) to say 'I can't possibly accept these beautifully wrapped neck ties and lapel pins from the CPA, because I'm not actually getting married today."

Something tells me this is the kind of thing that reaaaaaally pisses Jesus off. (If not the fake wedding then the LYING about the fake wedding to foreigners)

Luckily this was all very nicely documented (and even blogged about, no less) by my friend and fellow blogger, Ms. Jessica Napier (insert shameless plug HERE: http://shesaidshesaidblog.blogspot.com/2010/05/white-wedding.html ) Jess followed us around and captured a few choice images of us gallavanting around town.

Then next exhilerating part of the day happened at Union Station. My slightly burnt out but still relatively energetic bridal team and I were dancing around, handing out our promotional materials and all of a sudden I experienced some kind of spine tingling, bridal sixth sense-ation. I spun around slowly...And we locked gazes. ...The only word I can use to describe the sight is: "breathtaking". Tall, robust, pepper-haired, and a face full of stuble, this bride was wearing some kind of dollar store wedding dress and was SURROUNDED by red-jersied rugby players from the UK.

You can imagine my excitment when upon running over to ask for a picture, I was recieved with a warm bachelor party welcome complete with some kind of jovial cheer, after which my groom and I were hoisted into the air. *Sigh*, just like a real wedding. My eight day wedding could've ended right then and there and I would retire a happy bride.

The perfect end to a perfect day involved my running into my brother who wasn't the least bit phased that I was dressed up like a bride, outside of Union Station, without having invited him to my fake wedding.

*note: if you ever want to ask someone for something: dress up like a bride and then do it. No one can say no to a woman in white. This may seem like a manipulation tactic...however I consider it resourceful.

Diary of an Eight Day Bride: Pre-Wedding Jitters

This aaaaaaaall came about one day, as I was innocently sitting at my desk, at work (which just so happens to be at the marketing company which was chosen to execute this glorious and hilarious marketing event). All of a sudden I heard my name and the word "bride" interlaced together as someone was discussing this upcomming promotion. One thing led to another and before I knew it, I was the chosen blushing bride to be.

In the next following weeks it came to be that I was delegated a number of bridal duties in order to help organize this program. The most important of these duties was of course: finding the dress.

That's right. I had to go out, and try on dresses for a FAKE wedding. Some might say that's bad luck. Others might bad taste. I say it's bad timing because essentially I won't get to re-use the dress for my own (maybe one day) wedding, as inevitably this dress will be out of style by the time I'm 45 and ready to settle down. And unbeknownst to me...it would also become WAY to dirty...but more about that later.

Just imagine the look on the bewildered wedding dress consultants faces when I tell them I need a dress for May 17th...and the date on the calendar is May 8th.

It was pretty much like this ---->

Then imagine me actually EXPLAINING "I just need something REALLY big, and REALLY bridesy...it's not for a real wedding...and I need to buy it off the rack...for under $900.00. Cool?

Not only did I have to shop for my own fake bridal gown (by myself), but I also shopped for a fake bridesmaids dress, and fake tuxes for my groom and bestman, which I found at a liquidation tux sale (nothing but the finest for this Slice Bride). And of course these tuxes came complete with vests and ties of the most captivating colour of pink you've ever seen on a man. And no, I'm not talking "salmon" pink.

In the days to follow, I created a schedule for our whirlwind trip of Toronto, made bouquets (courtesy of the dollar store, which has a surprisingly decent collection of fake flowers), I found a temporary fake future husband (didn't know it'd be THIS easy...all you have to do is throw a few dollar bills someones way and they're yours on loan for 8 days. Who knew?). I also made a wedding mega-mix (which after the first three listens, quickly became the bain of my existence), shopped for a veil AND a tiara, made boutiniers, booked a make up artists and hair stylist and so on and so forth.

Basically I was planning my own mini 8-day, city wide wedding, to which ALL of Toronto was invited (especially my ex-boyfriends. Drink it in lame-whads, this is what a REAL bride looks like)

The weirdest part is that I actually started to get excited about this mind-warping experience as though it was my real wedding. I could't sleep the night before, I was worried I picked the wrong dress, and I was started to have second thoughts.... But in any case, my wake up call for my first wedding day was at 4:30am. Details to follow.

*note: I don't recommend trying on wedding dress unless you're actually getting married. It's slightly anxiety inducing. (see sex and the city episode where Carrie and Miranda do this, only to wind up in a situation where Carrie breaks out in hives and has a panic attack in the middle of a wedding dress store.)

Quickie GoLightly

Hello Fellow Bloggers!

This is my blog...which barely exists thus far. I've decided to jump in head first and commit to writing my account of a hilarious personal experience of mine. Those of you who are personal friends...or even just facebook friends, have probably caught wind of some my high tales of Bridal-ry. But before you go ahead and think "great another self-indulgent, pathetic, my life revolves around my pending nuptuals wedding blog", please note that I'm not married. I didn't get married, I'm not currently married, and I sure as hell don't think I'll be getting married in anything less than the next five years. (let's be realistic and make it ten...or maybe even never).

The tales of Bridal-ry which are to follow were essentially commissioned by Canada's own beloved "Slice Network". The very same glorious TV programming that brings us "Bulging Brides", "Rich Bride-Poor Bride", and "Wedding SOS". The next few (or many) blog entries are a detailed account of a Street marketing campaign which involved my dressing up like a bride for 8 consecutive days, along side of my fuschia emblazened bridal party around the streets of Toronto in a number of unsuspecting, high traffic and often tourist bombarded areas.

I give you; "Diary of an Eight Day Bride",

By Quickie GoLightly